How to get out from under manipulation. First, we discover the connections

As we said earlier, associating with a manipulator is not good for you. The manipulator can be your girlfriend/wife, one of your "friends", a relative (brother, sister, parents) or a colleague at work. In general, a person from your inner circle. Exactly from the inner circle, because the manipulator has already gotten close to you. When he was in the far circle, he seemed nice, obliging and courteous. But all this was necessary to put your guard down and get closer to you.

What tips you might hear on how to deal with a manipulative man ​

• Learn to be manipulative too and outplay the manipulator, even manipulate the manipulator yourself. This kind of advice on women can be heard on the Men's Movement and similar groups
• Talk to the manipulator, tell him what he does wrong, that he affects your feelings and hope that he will understand everything and stop behaving like this. Such advice is given by people who do not understand the issue of manipulation. The saddest thing is that such advice is given by "psychologists", who by the nature of their work just and should be well versed in it
• Break all ties and stop communicating with the manipulator or take him out of your close circle of communication to a distant one. This is the position of the Personal Freedom System.

The best way ​

In my opinion, the only working and most effective way is to break all ties with the manipulator and not to see or communicate with him anymore. Or, if you still can not completely exclude him from your life, then become no more than an acquaintance with whom you only say hello, it is quite enough to keep him at the necessary distance. It sounds easy, but to do it is not so easy, but we will learn. The main thing is to do it properly.

Discover all the connections you have with him ​

Before you exclude the manipulator from your life, you must first discover all connections with him. Manipulator as a spider envelops the victim with different connections so that the victim can not escape. For example:

• Shared assets that are difficult to divide
• Legal documents, like a marriage license or a shared business.
• He may have borrowed things or money from you.
• He may have loaned you something. Things or money.
• You have a mutual good friend or relative who is similarly influenced by the manipulator. And the manipulator will say mean things about you to that good person.

What the manipulator is parasitizing on ​

• Your hyper-responsibility
• On your high moral standards.
• On the fact that he'll smear your reputation if you stop obeying him.
• On the fact that you don't seem to have a clear reason to demand the return of some item or a small amount of money. And you're embarrassed to say so. So you can't break the connection.

Examples ​

• Gave you a book to read that you didn't really ask for. This is what they do in cults. You didn't really want to read it, but since you didn't read it, there's no point in giving it to them. And since you have the book, you can't exclude the owner of the book from your life. And you're already on the hook
• Manipulator can ask to link your bank card to some application, as if he himself can not do it. And it turns out that you are embarrassed to ask him to untie it, because there seems to be no reason for it, and you don't know how to explain it to him.
• The wife can promise that she will take care of the car herself, the main thing is that the husband will register the car for her. In the end, the car will be her property and the man will maintain it, he's a man.
• "You pump the tire, I'll go to the store." You'll end up pumping his tire on his own car and he'll go to the store since he was going to do it anyway. But it looks like you've shared common tasks and are both invested in a common endeavor
• Your wife asks you to help her around the house, at least vacuuming, since the vacuum cleaner is heavy and it's hard for her to carry it. That is, the fact that you work and provide for yourself and her she does not take into account and is not going to help you. But she pretends that supposedly housework is very hard and since you live together, you should share the housework. And to show you that housework is really hard, she gives you the most mucky job - vacuuming. Although, of course, housework in a modern home is extremely easy.
• There is a joint business, but his role manipulator overestimates. For example, you made repairs, your wife was asked to hold a tape measure or something similar not complicated and not dusty. But you were surprised to find that she then began to claim that she invested in the repair either as much as you, or even more. Sounds crazy, but it's not uncommon. And if you believed it, then you should divide the apartment after divorce in half or give it to her at all
• If you are students, the manipulator can play the role of your friend and use you to help him with coursework and other academic tasks. But he or she does not call you to parties or outings

Here's your homework: ​

• Analyze your inner circle to see if there are manipulators there.
• Analyze your relationship with the manipulator.
• You can cut ties slowly, take your stuff, money, give him/her what you owe.
• Ask him/her to untie his/her bank card, return the SIM card, ask him/her to re-register on websites and applications to his/her accounts instead of yours, etc. Explain that you have become concerned about your personal data online

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